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A Montessori Approach to Praise

Written on June 27, 2011 by Deb Chitwood in Discipline, Montessori Principles

This post was written for inclusion in the 2nd Annual Carnival of Gentle Discipline hosted at Parenting Gently. All week, June 27 – July 1, we will be featuring articles and posts about alternatives to punitive discipline. See the bottom of this post for more information.

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New research in the book Nurture Shock: New Thinking about Children by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman shows what Maria Montessori saw years ago – that we don’t need to praise our children for everything they do. We don’t need to continually reward our children or tell them how smart and talented they are.

As a matter of fact, telling our children how smart and talented they are can create the opposite of what we want. It can make our children afraid to attempt new things, afraid of failure, afraid they won’t meet everyone’s expectations.

What does the research suggest? When we praise, it’s best for the praise to be related to the effort our children made. For praise to be effective, it also needs to be specific and sincere.

So, how exactly does the research fit with Montessori philosophy?

Working with Montessori Knobless Cylinders (Photo from Homeschool Escapade)

1. In Montessori education, there aren’t rewards and punishments. Maria Montessori believed in the child’s inner need to do productive work. Sensitive periods provide an internal urge and stronger reinforcement than any rewards or praise could do.

“The essence of independence is to be able to do something for one’s self. Adults work to finish a task, but the child works in order to grow, and is working to create the adult, the person that is to be.” Maria Montessori

Working with Locks and Keys (Photo from Barefoot in Suburbia)

2. Montessorians don’t give children lavish praise. The child’s work is highly valued in Montessori education, and praise that is given is typically specific praise emphasizing effort. “You really worked hard at that.” “You did that activity four times in a row!” In an article at Maria Montessori, Bobby and June George give the idea of saying simply, “You did it!”

Helping Feed the Turtle (Photo from 1+1+1=1)

3. Montessorians try to give encouragement rather than praise or descriptive rather than evaluative praise. Instead of saying, “You’re a good boy,” a Montessorian might say, “It really helped when you put away all the dishes.”

My Daughter at 1 1/2 Working with a Self-Correcting Montessori Cylinder Block

4. Montessorians try to help children do things themselves and gain self-confidence. Many of the Montessori materials have a control of error so that the child can tell immediately if an activity is done correctly. An external source of approval isn’t necessary.

Food Preparation (Photo from How We Montessori)

5. Through Montessori practical life activities, children develop order, concentration, coordination, and independence. Those are all qualities that make children self-confident and capable of listening to their own inner voice.

Have you seen Montessori ideas on praise work for your child?

Photo Credits: Thank you to:

Homeschool Escapade for Working with Montessori Knobless Cylinders and Knobless Cylinder Pattern Cards from Montessori Print Shop

Barefoot in Suburbia for Working with Locks and Keys

1+1+1=1 for Helping Feed the Turtle

How We Montessori for Food Preparation

Welcome to the 2nd Annual Carnival of Gentle Discipline!

Please join us all week, June 27-July 1, 2011, as we explore alternatives to punitive discipline. We have collected a wonderful array of articles and essays about the negative effects of punitive discipline methods, like spanking, and a myriad of effective alternatives. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts – new articles will be posted on the following theme days:

June 27 – Practical Tips for Getting Started with Gentle Discipline
June 28 – It’s All About Feelings: Respecting Emotions and Consensual Living
June 29 – A Fork in the Road: Turning Points in Gentle Discipline
June 30 – Gentle Discipline Recipe: Love, Patience, and Cooperation
July 1 – Gentle Discipline Resources

Tags: descriptive praise, Discipline, encouragement, evaluative praise, Montessori, Montessori approach to praise, praise, rewards and punishments

How to Manage Interruptions in Your Montessori Classroom or Homeschool

Written on March 24, 2011 by Deb Chitwood in Discipline, Montessori Techniques

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In Montessori education, it’s important that children aren’t interrupted so they can complete their work cycle and develop the ability to concentrate for longer periods of time. It’s also important that Montessori teachers and homeschool teachers are allowed to present lessons and work with children individually without unnecessary interruptions.

Here are some ideas for managing interruptions in your Montessori classroom or homeschool:

Demonstrate to your children what is expected. A helpful technique is to have a child touch you on the shoulder if he or she needs help. Touch the child’s hand or arm to acknowledge his or her presence. The child then waits quietly until you can help the child.

For older children, you can use the “Three Before Me” technique. With that, a child must ask at least three peers for help before asking the teacher for help. In a homeschool, you could have one or two siblings designated as the person to ask before you. Of course, if you only have two children, your child will simply need to wait quietly until you’re finished working with your other child.

If there’s a situation that can’t wait, teach your children to say “Excuse me” before interrupting you.

For very young children, you could have them work at a rug on the floor or at a child-sized table right next to you when you’re working with an older child. In a homeschool, you can practice baby wearing with infants and toddlers during times when you need to work with an older child. And sometimes a toddler can sit on your lap or next to you while you’re working with an older child.

If a child interrupts you or other children, you could use redirecting or gluing. Using logical consequences is another helpful technique in situations where a child interrupts. For example, a child who interrupts circle time might need to sit away from the group until he or she is ready to rejoin the group and participate cooperatively.

Which technique/s have worked best for you in helping manage interruptions?

This post has been added to Helpful Homeschool Hints.

This post was selected as one of the Crème de la Crème of gentle discipline blogging in the 2nd Annual Carnival of Gentle Discipline!

Tags: Discipline, gluing, interruptions, logical consequences, managing interruptions, Montessori classroom, Montessori Homeschool, redirecting, Three Before Me

How We Used Gentle Discipline in our Homeschool

Written on September 16, 2010 by Deb Chitwood in Discipline, Homeschooling

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Welcome to the 2nd Annual Carnival of Gentle Discipline!

This post was selected as one of the Crème de la Crème of gentle discipline blogging!

Christina (7) ready to start her school day, 1997.

Sometimes, when people hear the words gentle discipline, they picture kids gone wild. Anyone who knows my husband (Terry), me, and our children knows that Christina and Will (now 20 and 25) were NOT kids gone wild.

We did use gentle discipline. And our homeschool (and home in general) had a calm, peaceful feel to it. We also had a lot of fun. How did we do it?

We used Montessori practical life activities during our children’s early years.

Following Montessori principles did a lot of the preparatory work for me where discipline was concerned. I used Montessori practical life activities to teach care of self, care of the environment, control of movement, and grace and courtesy. The sense of order, ability to concentrate, and self-discipline Will and Christina gained from those activities made all our later schooling easier. Lessons in courtesy helped our children be more polite to us as well as to others.

Our children knew our values and were taught how to follow them.

Will and Christina knew we believed in following God, respecting one another, being responsible, and doing our best. I used Montessori demonstrations to show them how to treat one another and even how to respect others’ property. I showed them as toddlers how to treat their toys, books, and learning materials with care. We studied religion and used many character-education lessons (such as KONOS unit studies) and books. Discussions about values were common in our home.

We gave our children structure and stability.

Even though we didn’t follow a schedule rigidly, we did have a schedule or “rhythm” for our days. More important, Will and Christina had the stability of parents who loved them and each other and spent a lot of time with them.

We gave our children freedom within limits.

Freedom within limits is a Montessori principle that was very important in our homeschool. While freedom to follow their interests helped our children experience success and independence, the limits were extremely important as well. We only gave Will and Christina the amount of freedom they could handle responsibly.

We respected our children, and they respected us.

Will (14) studying chemistry, 1999.

This was probably one of the most important parts of our disciplinary approach. We respected our children and their opinions. As they grew older, we gave them more decision-making responsibility. They felt respected and didn’t have a need to rebel because they knew we would consider their responsible, well-thought-out ideas.

For example, when Will was in third grade or so, he had the choice of how to handle his schoolwork before a week-long trip during the school year. Will decided to do two weeks-worth of work in one week, working day and evening to allow himself a week off during our trip.

When Christina was older, she decided to have school year-round, taking off holidays and each week we attended a skating competition or another trip. Because of Christina’s year-round schedule, she was able to graduate a year earlier than she would have with a normal schedule.

We used logical consequences.

When there was a behavioral problem, we often used logical consequences. Even though we had a schedule, we didn’t follow the clock exactly. Our schedule was more assignment- or project-based. If Will or Christina procrastinated in completing their work for the day, the logical consequence was that their school day lasted longer until their assignments were finished.

We used Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.).

Some problems required discussions. Then we used P.E.T. techniques whenever possible. Parent Effectiveness Training focuses on positive communication that enables both parent and child to win while resolving a conflict. It uses common therapy communication techniques, such as active listening and I-messages. A problem might be resolved through a discussion that starts with “I’m disappointed that….”

Although homeschooling wasn’t without its challenges, we were able to maneuver the challenges through love and respect for one another. And we were happy with our homeschooling experience both during and afterward. Especially nice is that it’s hard to say whether Terry and I were prouder of our children while they were growing up or now that they’re adults.

Whether or not you homeschool, have you found gentle discipline ideas that work well for your family?

Tags: Discipline, freedom within limits, gentle discipline, homeschool, Homeschooling, KONOS, logical consequences, Montessori, P.E.T., practical life

How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way (Book Review)

Written on June 17, 2010 by Deb Chitwood in Book and Resource Reviews, Parenting

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How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way

By Tim Seldin

192 pp. DK Publishing

If I could recommend one educational book to parents of children ages 5 and under, what would it be? After thinking about all the wonderful books I’ve read, one book stands out as the book I would recommend to any parent with a young child.

That book is How To Raise An Amazing Child the Montessori Way by Tim Seldin, President of the Montessori Foundation. It is an amazing book!

With a 2006 copyright, the book wasn’t around when I raised my children. I was lucky to have been trained as a Montessori teacher. With this book, you can easily use Montessori principles with your child without taking any Montessori training.

How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way is filled with lovely, full-color photos of children, making it enjoyable to look at as well as to read. Seldin describes Montessori, tells about sensitive periods (times when a child is particularly receptive to certain types of experiences), explains how to use Montessori principles at home, and gives guidelines for gently but firmly disciplining children.

I like that infants and toddlers aren’t ignored in the book. There’s a Montessori approach to infancy which allows the baby to safely explore and gain independence. In the book are directions for creating a “treasure basket” for your baby. The book gives ideas for adapting your house to make it child-friendly for your baby and later your preschooler.

Activities are described for daily living skills, sensory awareness, outdoor exploration, playing nature-based games, creating natural and cultural displays, and teaching math, language, and science concepts.

There are instructions for easily and inexpensively making the activities at home. There’s even a section on using Montessori principles to create a meaningful birthday celebration for your child.

How To Raise An Amazing Child the Montessori Way is truly an amazing book, whether you plan to homeschool, unschool, or send your child to school later on.

UPDATE: For preschoolers, I also recommend John Bowman’s fantastic and inexpensive eBook Montessori at Home.

For more information about Montessori, check out my About Montessori page and links at the bottom of the page. I also have a number of posts about infants and toddlers.

Tags: activities, Discipline, How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way, infants, Montessori, Montessori principles, preschoolers, Tim Seldin, toddlers

How to Discipline Your Child with Kindness and Respect through Logical and Natural Consequences

Written on May 27, 2010 by Deb Chitwood in Discipline, Parenting

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If we want our children to be kind and respectful, it only makes sense to treat them with kindness and respect. Logical and natural consequences do just that. While the child’s behavior still has consequences, those consequences are understandable when they’re logical consequences.

Julie Jenkins Sathe, author of Enlightened Discipline, has a simple, one-minute-twenty-four-second video on natural and logical consequences. The video isn’t slick or professionally done, but the point comes across loud and clear. You can teach personal responsibility by using a logical, respectful approach to disciplining your child.