Maria Montessori believed young children have a deep sense of dignity and want to do the right thing. You can use Montessori techniques to teach your child how to do the right thing. Here are some Montessori principles you can use at home to teach manners.
1. Emphasize practical life activities to help your child develop order, concentration, control, and independence. This will give your child the grace of movement and inner discipline needed to master etiquette skills.
2. Teach a specific manners lesson by demonstrating the proper behavior, breaking down the lesson into distinct steps. If you want your child to say, “It’s nice to meet you,” when meeting an adult, for example, you should demonstrate exactly how to do that.
3. Give your child opportunities to practice the manners lesson. You could use role playing, where you pretend to introduce your child to a friend of yours at the grocery store.
4. When your child greets an adult with the proper etiquette technique, be very specific in your comments. You could say, “I was so happy to see the polite way you greeted Mrs. Johnson.” But you can typically reinforce the behavior best simply by describing what your child did: “You said, ‘It’s nice to meet you,’ just like I showed you.”
5. Avoid criticizing your child or embarrassing your child in public if he or she doesn’t have the maturity or necessary repetition to perform the etiquette technique properly.
6. If you see that your child has difficulty performing an etiquette technique consistently and needs more practice, review the lesson at a later time. You could demonstrate the lesson again, adding a new detail such as shaking hands. Or you could have a discussion about “the best thing to say when meeting an adult.” You could also use another pretend situation for more role play about what to say when meeting an adult.
All My Manners Posts
- How to Teach Your Child Manners Using Montessori Principles
- Grace and Courtesy Games at Home or School
- How to Manage Interruptions in Your Montessori Classroom or Homeschool
- Montessori at Home or School: How to Teach Grace and Courtesy Is Out!
- Free Grace and Courtesy Printable {Manners Matching Cards}
- Free Manners Songs for Home or Classroom
- 20+ Free Printable Manners Cards, Booklets, Charts, and Games
- The Best Books about Manners for Preschoolers
Have you used a similar technique with your preschooler? How did it work?
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Learn more about my eBook Montessori at Home or School: How to. Teach Grace and Courtesy! I’m also one of the coauthors of the book Learn with Play – 150+ Activities for Year-round Fun & Learning!
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Stef says
June 24, 2010 at 3:48 amOh Deb – I'm so guilty – Avoid criticizing your child – about manners. After a messy dinner years ago I asked, "are you an animal – do you want to be treated like a pig – that was just disgusting". I said this to my son!!!!!! He didn't know – he was just eating!
thanks for the tips – they are awesome!!
Stef
Deb Chitwood says
June 24, 2010 at 4:45 amThanks so much for your comment, Stef! And no parent is perfect! I can tell you’re a great mom from your blog. I also know that our children pick up our unconditional love and aren’t unduly affected by every little incident in life.
Joy says
June 24, 2010 at 4:21 amthanks for sharing those techniques! 🙂
Deb Chitwood says
June 24, 2010 at 4:53 amThanks for visiting and commenting, Joy!
Susan says
June 24, 2010 at 7:11 amDeb, I always enjoy your insight! Yes, yes! Instruction, practice, praise, repeat! Well shared!
Deb Chitwood says
June 24, 2010 at 10:43 amThanks so much for your kind words, Susan! And I love the way you put ideas so succinctly . . . “Instruction, practice, praise, repeat!”
Cara says
June 25, 2010 at 3:30 amFound you via a meme at Toddlerawesome.
Like the tips, but I think the most effective is just to be polite yourself. All. The. Time.
Also, give young preschoolers prompts "Hello, Mr. ___! Charlie, say Hello to Mr. ___" from a very young age (well before they can talk) so that children get used to speaking to adults early on. Even if they can't repeat, I think it's very benficial.
Deb Chitwood says
June 25, 2010 at 10:32 amThanks so much for your comment, Cara! I definitely agree that setting an example is the most effective form of teaching manners.
JDaniel4's Mom says
June 25, 2010 at 6:01 amThis makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing.
Deb Chitwood says
June 25, 2010 at 10:43 amThanks so much for your kind words! I appreciate it!
Firefly says
June 25, 2010 at 8:52 pmGreat tips and something that can help many. Having a 5 year old this comes in handy. I try not to criticize my daughter, because after all she is only 5, but at the age when she is learning so much and good manners are very important! And thank you for visiting my blog, I really appreciate it!
Deb Chitwood says
June 26, 2010 at 6:11 amThanks so much for visiting and for your nice comment! Sounds like you have a great attitude toward teaching your daughter manners!
JDaniel4's Mom says
July 2, 2010 at 10:06 pmThis post has been selected as one of my great posts of the week. Here is the link to my post.</
Deb Chitwood says
July 3, 2010 at 10:38 amThanks so much for the honor—I really appreciate it! And I love what you’re doing with your site!
Kami says
July 15, 2010 at 6:20 amGreat post!
Deb Chitwood says
July 15, 2010 at 2:06 pmThank you for your kind words, Kami! I appreciate your comment!
Montessori Motherload says
August 20, 2012 at 2:15 pmGreat post! Very simply laid out and applicable.
Deb says
September 1, 2012 at 10:55 pmThanks so much for your kind comment … I really appreciate it! 🙂
Joyce says
August 31, 2012 at 12:13 amI loved all of your tips! I did have a question though. I fully agree about avoiding criticizing or embarrassing your child about their manners. But what do you do when you are in the situation? My son, R, can be very outgoing and polite. But sometimes, he can be the exact opposite. He doesn’t want to shake hands and he hides behind me. I’ve been apologizing and saying that he’s feeling shy when this happens, but I think it’s backfiring because later, when I ask him why he didn’t want to shake so and so’s hand, he replies “I was just feeling shy!” I think he thinks if he says that, it’s okay. So my question is, what do you do when someone tries to shake their hand, make conversation, etc.. and they are having none of it? By the way, we’ll keep practicing 🙂
Deb says
September 1, 2012 at 11:00 pmThanks for your comment, Joyce! I’ve found that greeting someone is one of the hardest social graces for young children to feel comfortable with. When I did the research for my master’s program, that was the social grace all the children had the most difficulty with (even some of the more extroverted children).
It takes a lot of practice for most children to feel comfortable with that. I recommend that you just keep practicing, and don’t worry about your son’s reaction … it really is normal. I hope that helps. 🙂
Tiffany says
February 17, 2014 at 1:51 amThis is awesome! We’ve just been successful at adding please and thank you to our baby signs, but I’m always wondering how to make sure I raise my son to be polite in this day and age. Thank you for putting it in a way that allows me to set a good example, but that also understands that kids are kids!
Keisha says
August 12, 2018 at 10:02 pmI am currently beginning my first year as the lead primary guide in a very strictly Montessori school. As I observed other classrooms prior to the beginning of this year, I found it disheartening that children were asked to ignore parent observers when they go in. Instead, I feel that is the perfect opportunity to practice grace and courtesy! As long as a grace and courtesy lesson is given before hand, “Feel free to go up to Mrs. Aguirre and say, ‘Hello Mrs. Aguirre, my name is Lucy, it’s nice to meet you. (shakes hands)” I would give some other guidelines as well, such as, “Feel free to go to her one at a time. You may ask her one question if you like. When you see that one person is done talking to her, then another person may greet her.” Then I would introduce the observer to the class at the end of our morning circle time, just before sending children off to choose their works. What a wonderful way to work on those Montessorian concepts of self-control, patience, grace and courtesy! As well, it would be a great way for shy children to hear it multiple times, and get comfortable with the concept until they are ready to try it themselves.