My family is an example of diet diversity. And an example that we can all get along happily anyway.
I grew up on a farm in South Dakota where everyone ate a meat-and-potatoes diet. My parents even butchered their own cattle for meat. My husband, Terry, grew up eating meat as well.
At age 18, I met Terry, who was a vegetarian at the time. Even though I didn’t think I’d ever become a vegetarian, I stopped wanting to eat meat. I haven’t eaten it since. That was 36 years ago.
Will (7 mos.) wearing noise protectors and “helping” Deb make organic baby cereal in 1985.
My husband and I have been on vegan or raw-food diets for short periods, although we’ve been lacto-ovo vegetarians consistently throughout the years. And I always added eggs and dairy products to my diet during pregnancy and while nursing.
Our children, Will and Christina, were breastfed exclusively for their first 6 months and then gradually introduced to homemade baby food. We added eggs and dairy products to Will’s and Christina’s diets while they were growing and let them choose their diets as adults.
At 25 and 20, Will and Christina are still lifelong vegetarians, using organic foods when possible. Today, Will is a lacto-ovo vegetarian, and Christina is a vegan five days a week and lacto-ovo vegetarian the other two. Will’s wife, Chea, and Christina’s husband, Tom, both happily eat vegan meals, yet they also eat meat at times.
Christina (8 mos.) eating her homemade organic baby food in 1990.
Like Christina, I’m vegan five days a week and lacto-ovo vegetarian the other two. Terry is vegan 2-4 days each week. Terry’s and my parents and siblings generally continued their traditional diets.
What about Family Reunions? Aren’t They Awkward?
My answer is, “Not at all.” Those of us who are vegetarian are so mainly for health reasons. We don’t have problems with people who eat meat, and people who eat meat don’t have problems with us. We wear leather, and we aren’t extremists.
Sometimes a family member will want to make a special vegetarian dish for a family gathering. Most of the time, those of us who are vegetarians eat the salads, fruit, vegetables, and dessert from the regular meal. All that’s added is wholegrain bread, cheese, and peanut butter. At least, that’s what my mother has done at family gatherings for years.
Terry, Deb, Christina, Tom, Will, and Chea eating at Veg ‘N Out in San Diego in 2010.
My mother makes a variation of wholegrain Finnish flatbread that we all love and look forward to. The main part of the meal is family togetherness. The most important ingredient is love.
Dealing with Family Gatherings That Include Vegetarians
Since vegetarians may or may not eat fish, eggs, and dairy, it’s always safest to ask. As lacto-ovo vegetarians, we don’t eat fish, but we can eat dairy products and eggs.
My daughter and I are vegan (sort of) five days a week mainly because of the higher fiber and lower fat content. So we don’t worry if there are eggs in a dish or if we visit someone and eat dairy and eggs on a day we are normally vegan.
If someone is a strict vegan, then it’s a bit more challenging. There are egg substitutes at health-food stores that can replace the eggs in most dishes. Like many people, I typically use soymilk instead of regular milk, and soymilk is readily available in most cities. Usually the wholegrain bread and nut butter will work for vegans at a family meal.
My Family’s Vegetarian Recipe Solution
Grandma Judy’s flatbread.
Here’s a flatbread variation that’s easy to make. We save it for family get-togethers so it always seems special.
Lightly coat frozen wholegrain bread dough with vegetable oil and let thaw 3-5 hours in a plastic bag. Form into a ball and then roll out dough on floured board or counter. Put loaf on greased pan to rise about 1 hour. Punch holes in bread dough with a fork. Bake 30 minutes at 375 degrees.
I’ve also made flatbread by mixing and kneading wholegrain bread dough in a bread machine. Then I just have to roll it out, let it rise, punch holes in the dough, and bake as before. Simple, yet delicious, and special because it’s made with love.
Has your family found a way to happily deal with different diets?
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I love how peaceful your family sounds about your dietary choices. Sam and I were vegetarians for many years (I added meat back in when I was pregnant again and anemic from my miscarriage and, um, never stopped…[sheepish smile]). We found a lot of resistance to it. Maybe it was that we didn't have really well-formed reasons for being vegetarian; we had a LOT of reasons, but not one we could point to as "This is why." I think your point of saying it's for health reasons probably makes meat-eaters feel the most comfortable that you're not judging them, so I should have gone with that!
We tried to make it clear we weren't expecting others to do the same, but they got defensive anyway. And everyone acted flustered when they had us over for a meal. Eventually we decided we'd be "flexitarians," and eat what we were served, no matter what (within reason…I can't stand fish!). That way, we could say, "Yes, usually we eat vegetarian, but you can make us whatever you like." That was the best compromise we could think of that allowed us to eat vegetarian when we were doing the choosing, yet remain hospitable, in terms of accepting others' hospitality. Of course, at buffets and restaurants, as you say, we would just pick and choose the dishes (usually sides) that were meatless.
Anyway! Sorry for the novel here. I'm just impressed at how easy you've found integrating with your meat-eating relatives. I expected resistance to vegetarianism in the Midwest where we used to live, where, no joke, some people even thought it smacked of being against our religion. I thought when we moved to Seattle it would be easy sailing, but even though I met many more vegetarians and vegans, my church atmosphere was still very meat-eating. Maybe because it had a high Asian-American population, and there were a lot of traditional dishes served at the church potlucks that were meat-based, I don't know!
I loved your comment, Lauren—thanks! I also love the term “flexitarians”! That’s a solution that would probably work well for lots of families.
I was surprised at how accepted our diet was in the Midwest. We lived in South Dakota until Christina was 6-years old. The nurses teaching our Lamaze classes were supportive during my pregnancies, and Will and Christina’s pediatricians were even supportive of our vegetarian diet. We moved to Colorado when Christina was 6. It’s definitely easier to find great vegetarian dishes when we eat out in Colorado. But today, there also seems to be a lot more interest in vegetarian and vegan diets in general.
I couldn't agree more with you! While Jeremy and I are not vegetarian, we cook several veggie meals each week for the health benefits, not to mention the money savings (meat is expensive!). That flatbread recipe looks tasty – I'm going to have to try it!
Thanks, Laura! I tend to forget about the money savings since we haven’t eat meat for so long, but that’s a good point. I hope you enjoy the flatbread recipe! We just had a big family reunion where my mom’s flatbread was a huge hit with my family, as usual!
I don't maintain any illusions that we'll make it to vegetarianism anytime soon (although I do want to keep trying to reduce our meat intake), I giggle at the thought of what my meat-and-potatoes parents & in-laws would say to us if we made such an announcement 😉
It's awesome that you all have integrated everyone's styles into your family gatherings so seamlessly!!
Thanks, Dionna! That Terry and I were in college when we became vegetarians probably made the transition easier for our families. There are certainly worse things to do during college than become vegetarians!
When I went vegetarian at the age of 15, my meat loving family thought I was nuts, but they tried to be supportive. I am now married to a strict vegan, and honestly, it can be a challenge. For holiday meals at my mother's house, I typically just bring vegan versions of the standards, and then there's two of everything for people to choose from – the vegan and the non-vegan version.
Thanks for your comment, Shana! That sounds like a great solution to family gatherings. It is harder to find things for vegans to eat at family gatherings, and bringing vegan dishes is a great way to have enough options. Maybe you’ll even inspire someone to try cooking some vegan dishes!
I love this post. We too have diverse choices in our household and after 20 years of being a vegetarian have started craving fish (so I've been eating salmon twice a week).
What I find amazing is the number of people who are shocked I 'accept' that my husband eats meat and they are even more horrified that I actually handle and cook it for him.
I feel it is not my place to dictate to anybody what they eat! It is none of my business and I simply love that I have met another family who exude such compassion and tolerance to one another.
Very refreshing – thank you!
Thanks for your kind words! It’s amazing how easy it can be to get along, isn’t it?! It has been interesting to see how easy and stress-free it is for Will and Christina to be married to meat-eaters. Both Chea and Tom actually cook (and enjoy) lots of vegan meals. When they want something with meat, they cook it for themselves. And they often eat meat when we eat out at a restaurant.
My husband and I have a similar conflict of diets that we've resolved. For religious reasons, he grew up in a household where no pork or shellfish was concerned, while I grew up in a home where bacon and shrimp were highly regarded.
We've made some compromises. Traditional holiday meals like the Easter ham has been replaced with the Easter chicken.
Thanks for your comment, Jenn! That sounds like a good solution!
I like that you call yourself a vegan 5 days a week and a lacto-ovo vegetarian the other days of the week. I tried being vegan but didn’t feel like I could do it 100% so I just stopped trying. Vegetarian fits me better. I also love that your kids are still vegetarian! I too am raising my kids vegetarian and will let them choose what they want to eat when they are older, but I do have a feeling the youngest will want to eat meat. The way she eyes her daddy’s food is pretty funny (he’s an omnivore). Luckily other than a few years of “OMG, you’re a what?” or “you STILL aren’t eating meat?” from my extended family, they’ve been pretty good. I just bring my own dishes to contribute to holiday meals. Like a stuffed squash or whatever. They usually really like it too.
It has been much easier to be vegan 5 days a week. I still love pizza and ice cream, so I can have those on Friday or Saturday (my lacto-ovo vegetarian days). Then I never feel deprived. And my vegan days reduce my tastes for dairy, so I rarely miss it anyway. It sounds like you’re doing great getting along with your immediate- and extended family’s diets, Melodie. Thanks for your comment!
For years I thought I was lactose intolerant (and I am, but not nearly as badly as I thought) and so I was on a very strict lactose-free diet. My sister was a vegan, my aunt a vegetarian, and my mom on a gluten-free diet. We always managed to have wonderful meals together. I always enjoyed the challenge of creating meals for everyone that weren’t substitutes for meat-based (or gluten-based) food, but awesome in their own right.
I wish I could have been at some of your meals, Jessica! They sound creative and wonderful.
I enjoyed your post! I decided last year in May to start eating vegetarian. At first, I had trouble inconveniencing other people by telling them I didn't eat meat. Then, once word got around it was a lot easier for me. I actually never received any sort of criticism, and I currently have several friends who are vegetarian and one who is vegan. Living in North Dakota, I didn't expect to find the support and like-minded community. It's been so interesting!
Thanks for your comment, Casey! It’s true that it gets easier the longer you’re a vegetarian. People are often interested in vegetarianism or are trying to eat less meat themselves. In my experience, reactions are typically very positive!
Wow! What a great list! Thanks for stopping by our blog to encourage me! I've enjoyed this peek into your lives!
Jessica
Thanks for your comment, Jessica! I’ll look forward to getting to know you better.
Hello! Popping in from iFellowship at Seeds of Faith Women! Hope you find time to stop by Homemaker Honey and say, “G’Day!”
Enjoy this day the Lord had made!
Deborah
Homemaker Honey
homemakerhoney.com
Thanks for stopping by, Deborah! I’ll definitely check out your site.
So you write this great post and all I can do is think, "WOW, your hair was LONG!" 😉
Happy iFellowship Day!
♥ Michelle
Thanks, Michelle! Happy iFellowship Day to you, too! Do you know I had the same reaction to that photo?! I had hair that long for so long (over 30 years) that I typically didn’t notice it! (More on my hair in tomorrow’s post!)
I bake vegan and gluten free for my business, I would like to get my family eating this way, but I don’t think its going to happen.
I loved this post. It’s wonderful the way your family gracefully accepts the dietary choices of each member.
We are trying to do the same. I eat very little meat; my husband considers peperoni as a food group. 🙂 We love each other, respect each other, and with a lot of humor, we make it through.
The trick to eating and enjoying any fruit and veg raw is to cut them in small small pieces and eat. I know you could just bite but cutting saves you biting energy. I will share this with my family.