Living Montessori Now

Montessori Inspiration for Parents and Teachers

How to Teach Your Child to Say Thank You for Holiday Presents

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The best time to teach your preschooler to say thank you for presents received over the holidays is beforehand. In Montessori education, grace and courtesy is an important part of the practical life lessons. And the aim is to give children demonstrations and practice with proper etiquette before an etiquette technique will be needed.

How to Teach Your Child to Say Thank You for Holiday Presents

Here are some ideas to help your child learn how to say thank you for presents:

Demonstrate How to Receive a Present with the Proper Words and Actions
How to Teach Your Child to Say Thank You for Holiday Presents

  • You could introduce a lesson on receiving a present by saying, “I’d like to show you what to do when you receive a present.” Demonstrate the actions along with the appropriate words.
  • Say something like, “I don’t ask someone for a present. I never ask, ‘Where’s my present?’”
  • Have your child give you a present you prepared for the demonstration. Demonstrate the proper words and behavior. “When I’m given a present, I look the person in the eye [or whatever is appropriate for your culture], smile, and say, ‘Thank you.’”
  • Open the present. Then say, “After I open the present, I again say, ‘Thank you.’ If the present is something I already have, I don’t say, ‘I already have one.’
  • “I try to say something nice about the present.” Give an example of something nice you could say.
  • If you want your child to feel comfortable hugging a relative or friend, you should demonstrate that as well. It’s recommended that you tell your child he or she doesn’t have to hug someone.
  • “I put away the gift wrap from the present.”
  • Finally, say, “Later, I write a thank-you note to the person who gave me the present.”

Give Your Child Opportunities to Practice

Repetition is essential for young children to learn social graces. You should give your child as many opportunities to practice as possible before your child is actually given a present. Be creative.

  • You could have a gift bag or box with a lid that can be used over and over. You could put different toys, clothes, or books your child already owns in the gift bag or box and role play giving the gift to your child. The object will be a surprise, and your child will have to think of something nice to say about it.
  • You could have gifts of small presents for your child to practice saying thank you throughout the holiday season. Some parents have small daily gifts throughout December, especially to focus on teaching their child to say thank you.
  • You could role play with a pretend present.
  • If you have more than one child, they could take turns giving and receiving real or pretend presents.
  • After your child is given plenty of role-playing opportunities, you could have discussions about “What should I do when I receive a present?”

Be Specific in Your Encouragement when Your Child Remembers the Proper Etiquette Technique

  • “I was so happy to see the way you smiled at Aunt Ellen and told her, ‘Thank you.'”
  • “I appreciate that you remembered to say what you liked about Aunt Ellen’s gift.”
  • “You cleaned up every scrap of wrapping paper!”

Don’t Criticize or Embarrass Your Child in Public if He or She Forgets the Etiquette Technique

  • Remember that young children need lots of practice.
  • Repeat the lesson again later.
  • Give more opportunities for practice.

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Learn more about my eBook Montessori at Home or School: How to. Teach Grace and Courtesy!

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Reader Interactions

Comments

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks, SO MUCH, Kelly! I’m honored that you used my post as inspiration for your great game! I’m going to add your post link to the Living Montessori Now Facebook page tonight and start a manners discussion in my Blog Frog community tomorrow. I’ll link to your post there, too!

  4. Jennifer says

    I think this is a very important lesson that many parents let slide now a days. At my last job as a waitress for 7 years (glamorous I know!) it was a very RARE treat to get a thank you or a simple “yes Mam”. More parents need to read this and teach their kids simple manners. It’s our duty as parents.

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks, Jennifer! I agree that it’s our duty as parents to teach our kids manners. So true that too many do let it slide – but I’m grateful for the many great parents out there who still are teaching manners! I’m hoping their influence will begin to rub off on the rest!

  5. Janette Jackson says

    Those are some lovely suggestions about teaching your children about etiquette and using manners after receiving a gift. Children can also learn by example so it is important for a child to see the action being done.

  6. Karen says

    Thank you for posting this…these are good life long lessons. I also try to teach my girls to look people in the eye when they say thank-you.

    Happy Holiday and Thank-you!
    Karen

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks, Karen! Your comment gave me an idea for revising my post! Before, it said, “When I’m given a present, I look at the person, smile, and say, ‘Thank you.’” I was trying to accommodate more cultures by not saying to look the person in the eye (since it’s not a good thing in some cultures), but then I realized it’s not really clear enough for Americans (the majority of my readers). I think I can accommodate hopefully all my readers by saying, “When I’m given a present, I look the person in the eye [or whatever is appropriate for your culture], smile, and say, ‘Thank you.’” Happy holiday to you, too!

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks, Michelle! I was always fascinated to see how much better even polite children do when they’re given demonstrations and lots of repetition with manners.

  11. SomeGirl says

    GREAT tips! Last year we practiced all that you mentioned over and over again before a family party… I was so proud of my son and how he graciously and thankfully received duplicate gifts and gifts that seemed too young for him! But I was taken back by a cousin/mom who complained about our gifting a duplicate gift to her son… it provided good discussion/educational material for our ride home. 😉 A new gift was requested and I considered sending a book of manners. 🙂 Wouldn’t you know we drew their name again for this year’s gift exchange. Hopefully this year will be better. If not, I’m sending her your article! lol

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks so much, Michelle! What a wonderful gift you gave your son – the ability to act grown up (in the nicest way) in public! It’s easy for adults to forget that it takes a lot of practice for children to feel comfortable enough with etiquette rules to actually use them correctly in public. I do hope you have a better experience with the cousin/mom at this year’s party!

        • Deb Chitwood says

          No problem, Michelle! Your story just shows the importance of teaching and practicing manners. The example you gave will probably help lots of parents remember to teach their child not to say, “I already have one”!

  12. Carolyn Hadsell says

    Showing gratitude is a teachable skill.
    I have taught my students to greet their parents at pick up time with this phrase-“Hi,Mom! How was your day?” This gets them thinking about others and not themselves. Parents are relieved to hear this and not, “Mom! Did you bring me anything?”

  13. Jessie says

    What a great explanation of this grace and courtesy lesson! We do this at birthday time, too 🙂 Practicing that you are thankful for EVERY gift takes time, start early!

    Thanks, Deb!

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks, Jessie! It’s wonderful that you practice at birthday time, too! And I LOVE your statement “Practicing that you are thankful for EVERY gift takes time, start early!”

  14. Counting Coconuts says

    I could say “ditto” to Larri’s comment! Nothing frustrates me more than an ungrateful person, be they young or old. I’ve been writing Thank You notes on behalf of James since he received his very first gift. Now that he’s older, he partakes in the process by drawing or painting a picture on a piece of card stock, which we fold in half to create a card. Once he’s able to write, he’ll take over the entire process.

    This is a great post and I appreciate you giving examples on how to verbalize things. I often say too much, but I know short and to the point is the way to go. Thanks for sharing this, Deb!

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks so much, Mari-Ann! What you’re doing with James regarding thank-you notes is exactly what I did with my children when they were little. I’m happy to say that my children as adults are still good about thanking people properly for gifts!

  16. Sherry says

    Great post and something that is needed to be taught today! So many are ungrateful or about “where is my present?”. 🙁

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks, Sherry! I think learning to say thank you for presents is a good way for children to start making gratitude a part of their lives – and it’s so much nicer for the gift-giver to hear!

  17. Alison says

    Great post! Thank you for taking the time to remind us all of the importance of teaching grace and courtesy. And it is never more important than during the holiday season.

    Thank you again.
    Alison

  18. Laura says

    It’s so true that we need to teach our kids beforehand how to show proper etiquette. With Georgia, we have her practice with us even now. She knows that she always says Thank You when she receives something, gift or other. We also model it in our home. Jeremy and I always try to be polite to each other, and she sees that and wants to copy.

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks for your comment, Laura! What a great thing you’re doing with Georgia by having her practice etiquette at home! And for you and your husband to be such good role models is AWESOME!

  19. Larri says

    Great tips! I was determined to teach my children about gift-giving etiquette long before they arrived in this world. We began practicing at about age 2 1/2. I will never forget the first Christmas with new-to-me nieces and nephews, who ripped through wrappings and tossed aside gifts, barely glancing at the contents. When the frenzy subsided, one of them shouted, “Is this it?” Yikes! ;o)

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks, Larri! It’s wonderful that you’re teaching your children gift-giving etiquette! Maybe they’ll have a positive effect on your nieces and nephews!

  20. Penny says

    This is great! I never thought about practicing beforehand. My children are very polite – we miss it on occasions though. I think we’re going to have an etiquette lesson very soon!

    What a great post Deb!