• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Living Montessori Now

Montessori Inspiration for Parents and Teachers

  • HOME
  • About
    • About Me
    • Contact Me
    • PR/Advertise
    • Privacy Policy
  • About Montessori
    • About Montessori
    • Resources
    • ABCs of Montessori
    • Overview
    • Principles
    • Free Printables
    • Materials
    • Homeschool Classroom and Materials
      • Circle Time Activities
    • Techniques
    • Training
      • Free Montessori Video Lessons
    • Inspiration
  • Activities
    • Circle Time Activities
    • Art
    • Cultural
    • Language
    • Math
    • Practical Life
    • Practical Life – Grace and Courtesy
    • Sensorial
    • Unit Studies
    • PreK + K Sharing
    • Monthly Themed Activities
    • Holidays and Celebrations
  • Homeschooling
    • Homeschooling
    • Homeschool High School
    • Montessori Homeschool Classroom and Materials
    • Unit Studies
    • PreK + K Sharing
    • Circle Time Activities
    • Monthly Themed Activities
    • Holidays and Celebrations
    • Free Montessori Video Lessons
  • Free Printables
    • Free Printables
    • Sign up for the Living Montessori Now Newsletter & Get Monthly Subscriber Freebies!
    • More Than 13 Years’ Worth of Free Printables and Montessori-Inspired Activities
    • Free Montessori Geography Album
  • Holidays
    • Resources for Upcoming Holidays
    • Holidays and Celebrations
  • Subscribe
    • Sign up for the Living Montessori Now Newsletter & Get Monthly Subscriber Freebies!
  • Shop
    • Shop
    • Products
    • My Products

How We Used Gentle Discipline in our Homeschool

September 16, 2010 By Deb Chitwood 14 Comments

Christina (7) ready to start her school day, 1997.

Christina (7) ready to start her school day, 1997.

Sometimes, when people hear the words gentle discipline, they picture kids gone wild. Anyone who knows my husband (Terry), me, and our children knows that Christina and Will (now 20 and 25) were NOT kids gone wild.

We did use gentle discipline. And our homeschool (and home in general) had a calm, peaceful feel to it. We also had a lot of fun. How did we do it?

We used Montessori practical life activities during our children’s early years.

Following Montessori principles did a lot of the preparatory work for me where discipline was concerned. I used Montessori practical life activities to teach care of self, care of the environment, control of movement, and grace and courtesy. The sense of order, ability to concentrate, and self-discipline Will and Christina gained from those activities made all our later schooling easier. Lessons in courtesy helped our children be more polite to us as well as to others.

Our children knew our values and were taught how to follow them.

Will and Christina knew we believed in following God, respecting one another, being responsible, and doing our best. I used Montessori demonstrations to show them how to treat one another and even how to respect others’ property. I showed them as toddlers how to treat their toys, books, and learning materials with care. We studied religion and used many character-education lessons (such as KONOS unit studies) and books. Discussions about values were common in our home.

We gave our children structure and stability.

Even though we didn’t follow a schedule rigidly, we did have a schedule or “rhythm” for our days. More important, Will and Christina had the stability of parents who loved them and each other and spent a lot of time with them.

We gave our children freedom within limits.

Freedom within limits is a Montessori principle that was very important in our homeschool. While freedom to follow their interests helped our children experience success and independence, the limits were extremely important as well. We only gave Will and Christina the amount of freedom they could handle responsibly.

We respected our children, and they respected us.

Will (14) studying chemistry, 1999.

Will (14) studying chemistry, 1999.

This was probably one of the most important parts of our disciplinary approach. We respected our children and their opinions. As they grew older, we gave them more decision-making responsibility. They felt respected and didn’t have a need to rebel because they knew we would consider their responsible, well-thought-out ideas.

For example, when Will was in third grade or so, he had the choice of how to handle his schoolwork before a week-long trip during the school year. Will decided to do two weeks-worth of work in one week, working day and evening to allow himself a week off during our trip.

When Christina was older, she decided to have school year-round, taking off holidays and each week we attended a skating competition or another trip. Because of Christina’s year-round schedule, she was able to graduate a year earlier than she would have with a normal schedule.

We used logical consequences.

When there was a behavioral problem, we often used logical consequences. Even though we had a schedule, we didn’t follow the clock exactly. Our schedule was more assignment- or project-based. If Will or Christina procrastinated in completing their work for the day, the logical consequence was that their school day lasted longer until their assignments were finished.

We used P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training)(Amazon affiliate link): Parent%20Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible ChildrenParent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children.

Some problems required discussions. Then we used P.E.T. techniques whenever possible. Parent Effectiveness Trainingfocuses on positive communication that enables both parent and child to win while resolving a conflict. It uses common therapy communication techniques, such as active listening and I-messages. A problem might be resolved through a discussion that starts with “I’m disappointed that….”

Although homeschooling wasn’t without its challenges, we were able to maneuver the challenges through love and respect for one another. And we were happy with our homeschooling experience both during and afterward. Especially nice is that it’s hard to say whether Terry and I were prouder of our children while they were growing up or now that they’re adults.

Whether or not you homeschool, have you found gentle discipline ideas that work well for your family?

Deb - Signature
Montessori at Home or School - How to Teach Grace and Courtesy eBookLearn more about my eBook Montessori at Home or School: How to. Teach Grace and Courtesy!

If this is your first time visiting Living Montessori Now, welcome! If you haven’t already, please join us on our Living Montessori Now Facebook page where you’ll find a Free Printable of the Day and lots of inspiration and ideas for parenting and teaching! And please follow me on Pinterest (lots of Montessori-, holiday-, and theme-related boards), Instagram, and YouTube. You can find me on bloglovin’ and Twitter, too.

And don’t forget one of the best ways to follow me by signing up for my weekly newsletter. You’ll receive some awesome freebies in the process!

Filed Under: Discipline, Homeschooling Tagged With: Discipline, freedom within limits, gentle discipline, homeschool, Homeschooling, KONOS, logical consequences, Montessori, P.E.T., practical life

Previous Post: « How We Homeschooled
Next Post: My Favorite Montessori Math Material »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Luschka says

    September 16, 2010 at 9:22 am

    This is a really interesting and encouraging post. Thanks. Lots of food for thought 🙂

    Reply
    • Deb Chitwood says

      September 16, 2010 at 1:25 pm

      Thanks so much, Luschka! I love spreading the word that gentle discipline can work very well. It’s just a matter of finding the right balance of “gentle” and “discipline.”

      Reply
  2. Myrtle says

    September 16, 2010 at 10:52 am

    I love the doll on your daughters lap. Loved the post!

    Reply
    • Deb Chitwood says

      September 16, 2010 at 1:29 pm

      Thanks for your kind comment, Myrtle! I always loved that issues like whether my daughter’s doll came to school with her were non-issues. Christina would have been fine without her doll at school, but it actually was more fun this way – and we have some GREAT memories with that doll!

      Reply
  3. Cranberry Morning says

    September 16, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    What an interesting post. We homeschooled for 21 years, beginning in 1981, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. 😉

    It must be hard to have your daughter so far away. Our two daughters live 9 and 20 hours, but within the US. Still, I guess if I had a daughter in England, it would give me more of an excuse to travel there. 🙂

    Thank you for your thoughtful comment on Cranberry Morning. I appreciate it.

    Reply
    • Deb Chitwood says

      September 16, 2010 at 5:48 pm

      Thanks for visiting and taking the time to comment! Doesn’t it seem odd now to have homeschooled before Internet?! It is VERY difficult having my daughter so far away. Fortunately, we talk and communicate every day (thanks to Skype and the Internet!). And I have gotten to spend A LOT of time in England, which has been wonderful!

      Reply
  4. SomeGirl says

    September 16, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    Thanks for linking up, Deb! I look forward to getting back into the swing of things next week and catching up on all your great advice! I love this reminder: “We only gave Will and Christina the amount of freedom they could handle responsibly.” Freedom within limits is so important! Thank you for these GREAT tips!

    Reply
    • Deb Chitwood says

      September 16, 2010 at 10:50 pm

      Thanks for your lovely comment, Michelle! I missed you this week (although your guest bloggers were great)! I’m glad you allowed yourself some rejuvenation time – and I’ll look forward to talking with you more next week!

      Reply
  5. Joelle says

    September 17, 2010 at 8:59 am

    Very inspiring thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Deb Chitwood says

      September 17, 2010 at 1:28 pm

      Thanks so much for your kind comment, Joelle!

      Reply
  6. Michelle says

    September 17, 2010 at 9:44 am

    Wow, this is a great list! I do love how training them when they are little helps so much when they are older. So true. I’m learning that consistancy is the hardest for me to achieve. It’s so easy to be busy in our days. I think respect is huge. We need to model respect for them and others and require them to be respectful as well. I’m adding this to my favorites too!!! Great links too, thanks-

    Reply
    • Deb Chitwood says

      September 17, 2010 at 1:32 pm

      Thanks SO much, Michelle! Don’t worry about being perfect with your consistency. I never was, and it really wasn’t a problem. It just mattered that I was generally consistent!

      Reply
  7. Shannon says

    September 26, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Glad to have found you through Mom loop! What a great article so many things to consider and look into. I’ve never heard of P.E.T techniques- must look that up! My daughter is two- and I’m just now starting to realize that we need to have a philosophy on discipline in place!:)

    Reply
    • Deb Chitwood says

      September 26, 2010 at 4:22 pm

      Thanks for your comment, Shannon! I think you’ll love P.E.T. It’s great because it works with all ages, and it helps both parents and kids feel good about discipline.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

What Are You Looking For?

...and get free geography album, monthly subscriber freebie, and access to the Living Montessori Now Resource Library! 

 I respect your privacy

Categories

Shop Living Montessori Now!

Living Montessori Now Sponsors

Montessori Print Shop

Alison's Montessori
Montessori for the Earth

Popular Posts

Categories

Archives

I Recommend (My Affiliates)

Montessori by Mom

Shop Montessori Services
Shop For Small Hands

How to Get Kids to Listen without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling



Shop KiwiCo

Shop Little Passports for Award-Winning Adventure

Printed Alphabet Wood Tracing Board

Little Passports

Footer

Connect with LMN



Supervision

The activities shared on this blog require adult supervision at all times. You know which activities are appropriate for your children and/or the children under your care and are responsible for those children's safety.

You Can Also Find Me

Bits of Positivity PreK + K Sharing Spring Snow Publications

Subscribe by Email


Copyright © 2025 Deb Chitwood · Web Design & Hosting · Servously.com