Living Montessori Now

Montessori Inspiration for Parents and Teachers

If You Can’t Say Something Nice…

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I’m a big advocate of peaceful interactions, both online and offline. Especially in parenting and teaching, I believe we all need to work together and support each other in raising the children who are the future.

DChitwood_SaySomethingNice

“Say Something Nice” Word-Art Freebie

The Thumper Theory

“If you can’t say something nice . . . don’t say nothing at all.”

– Thumper from the movie Bambi

I have a post called “Do You Follow the Thumper Theory?” at my other blog, Bits of Positivity. The post tells a lot of my feelings about interacting with others and has links to anti-bullying and character-education resources.

Even though I’ve shown this video at Raising Figure Skaters, it’s such a favorite of mine that I have to share it here, too:

The Thumper Theory Online

My personal policy for online communication is to follow the Thumper Theory whenever possible. If I’m leaving a comment on someone’s blog, I find something positive to mention … or I don’t say anything. Typically, there’s something positive to be said.

Most blogging parents and teachers are trying to do their best, and I truly believe I’ll help others the most by encouraging them. I also try to be a good example and simply offer my blog post ideas, which may be accepted or rejected. Last April, I had a post on how I use Montessori principles to advocate for healthy, gentle parenting choices: “Using Montessori Principles to Advocate Natural Parenting.”

Of course, there are rare cases where I have to intervene when someone’s doing something dangerous or truly destructive. Also, I might have to delete a comment if it’s not helpful but only negative and making parents feel bad about their own choices.

Fortunately, those cases are rare. I’m proud to be part of an online community that typically has a lot of love and support to give one another.

Here’s to saying something nice… 🙂

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Sophia says

    Thanks for your great post. I hope that everyone could behave nicely like you. I’m fed up with seeing impolite comments on my blog. If they don’t like my post, they should give me some advices rather than jugde me.

  3. Bess says

    Thank you so much for this post! When my daughter developed a chronic disease nearly 2 years ago, it forced our family to make some tough decisions about the less than positive influences in our lives for the sake of sanity. Yes it was hard to make so many life changes in the midst of a small crisis but surrounding ourselves with positive, supportive people has made the most astounding impact on our lives. It has forced me to examine myself for how I am treating others… especially those who make choices different than mine. I have also come to realize how much my children are mimicking my behavior and attitude towards others, which has been great motivation! I’m still working my way through the vast amount of links you provided but so far they have been a source of encouragement and healing.

    • Deb says

      Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment, Bess. I can’t imagine what you’ve had to go through and can definitely see how surrounding your family with positive people has been so important. Wishing you many blessings! 🙂

  4. Julie says

    Thank you for the reminder! It is so easy to fall into the trap of being judgemental…but NOT ONE of us want to be judged! How painful our words can be! I need the reminder…espicially in situations where I feel intimidated or less than confident.

    • Deb says

      Thanks for your comment, Julie! It’s so true that it’s harder to be kind when we feel the need to defend ourselves. Knowing that often helps me have more empathy for those who say something unkind because they’re feeling threatened by a new concept or something that makes them uncomfortable.

    • Deb says

      Thanks for your kind comment, Michelle! You are always nice … and I know it makes me happy to interact with you. I’m sure lots of people feel the same way! 🙂

  6. Cherine says

    This is a truely wonderful post. I was sad when I had to moderate comments coming into my blog. You have a very positive gentle way of putting forth contructive food for thought.
    Thank you:)

    • Deb says

      Thanks so much for your very kind comment, Cherine! It would be sad to have to moderate comments. Your blog is wonderful, and I hope everything is going well for it now.

  7. Wolfmother says

    That’s my favorite movie ever! I try and abide by this philosophy in the sense that I try to express myself in a way that is not attacking others but simply stating my experiences and opinions. I don’t refrain however from also expressing my reactions to things that I find destructive or harmful just because it might offend someone either. Certain behaviors that parents adopt ARE detrimental to both their health and their children and I feel that it is important that it is not simply ignored by those around them but given attention and consciously changed. This can brought about compassionately of course which is ideal but sometimes saying the truth in its raw form, even if it may not be nice, is sometimes necessary to bring people’s awareness to it.

    • Deb says

      Thanks for your comment, Wolfmother. It’s sad to come across behaviors that definitely are destructive or harmful. I think if we’re compassionate and empathetic, we can be most effective in those difficult situations. I’m thankful that I haven’t had to deal with a lot of situations like that! 🙂

  8. Sylvia says

    I think Thumper says it all! I use the Thumper theory online because it really doesn’t make any sense to leave a nasty comment for someone I disagree with. Online, we have a choice to read or not read, to take it or leave it. If I’m offended by anything I come across, it’s really up to me to process those feelings, not react to them by commenting. The same holds true in real life!

    • Deb says

      Thanks, Sylvia! It is nice that we easily have the choice to take or leave something we find online. With all the blogs in the world, there’s always something good to move on to! 🙂

  10. Amy says

    Lovely post! To, too, like Helen (previous commenter) spent so many nights on baby center when Abbey was little, arguing why it was BEST, RIGHT, and NATURAL to parent naturally (especially regarding the awful misconceptions surrounding breastfeeding and infant sleep/nightime parenting in our culture) . . . but as I delved deeper into the blogging world, I found that putting what I know or what I find interesting, helpful, or inspiring in my life and in the lives (and blogs) of others OUT there and allowing others to find and work with what I had presented (networking, collaboration, etc) was the best way to advocate for a natural parenting, hands down. Great post, Deb! I always look forward to seeing what you have to say on your blog. I love Living Montessori Now! 🙂

    • Deb says

      Thanks so much for your very kind comment, Amy! Blogging is wonderful, isn’t it?! I love that it allows us to present what works for us but doesn’t typically require us to debate our position. And networking and collaboration are such great ways to encourage other bloggers! 🙂

  11. Helen says

    Lovely ~ in the past I wasted so much time arguing (especially online) just because I felt that people HAD to agree with me and see my point. And now I look for something kind to say, or I move quietly on. People can live without my opinion on absolutely everything 😉

    • Deb says

      Thanks so much, Helen! I always love how peaceful interactions feel … I’m definitely happiest when I don’t feel the need to convince others about my position. 🙂

  13. Kerry says

    Deb, it’s so nice to have found your lovely blog as a result of this carnival. I am also inspired by your homeschooling experience and focus on child-led learning and look forward to visiting here often!

    -Kerry @ City Kids Homeschooling

    • Deb says

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Kerry! I’m so happy you found my blog … I’ll look forward to getting to know you better! 🙂

  15. DM Yates says

    I loved this post. We need to see more of this topic around the internet. I love Thumper. He certainly was wise for his years. Donna from Believe in Yourself BlogFrog

  16. Crunchy Con Mommy says

    Awwww I love Thumper. And I love the philosophy of saying nice things or keeping your mouth shut (or fingers still, in the case of the internet). I do sometimes leave comments disagreeing with posts or other commenters on blogs I read, but even then find it’s usually possible to disagree without being unkind!

    • Deb says

      Thanks for your comment, Crunchy Con Mommy! Totally agree … it definitely helps to think before we type! It is usually possible “to disagree without being unkind!” 🙂

  17. Dionna says

    Love it 🙂 Rarely does saying something negative amount to anything positive. And how much nicer would the world be if we could all just be nice to each other – even in disagreements?!

    • Deb says

      Thanks, Eddie! That’s great advice. If criticism is necessary, I think it really does help to say something positive first. 🙂

  19. Lauren says

    Absolutely! I can’t figure out why anyone expends so much energy being mean (including myself sometimes — yipes!). It’s just as powerful to be nice.