My First Childbirth Experience
Will (one day old) with Terry and with Deb, 1985.
I planned to have a natural childbirth experience with my first child in 1985. I had read Maria Montessori’s writings about newborns.
My husband and I read many books on natural childbirth. We also had a wonderful family doctor and a small-town hospital with a midwife-like nurse who taught our natural childbirth classes. Everything went well even though our son, Will, was 19 days overdue. Respecting our wishes, the doctor had let us wait.
After I’d been in labor for a number of hours, Will went into fetal distress. An obstetrician was called in, and I ended up having an emergency cesarean. Fortunately, Will came through his experience in good health.
Of course, it was a bit disturbing to hear the nurses exclaim right away about my son’s huge head and huge feet. (Made me wonder what he looked like!!!) He was a large baby with his head circumference in the 100th percentile for quite a while.
The joy on seeing my healthy new son made everything alright, and I was able to follow many natural parenting principles from that point on. (Here’s a post on “My Top 3 Natural Parenting Principles.”)
My Second Childbirth Experience
Christina (one day old), 1990.
I was still committed to a natural childbirth experience for my second child in 1990. Because of my earlier cesarean delivery, I was required to have an obstetrician and to have my baby delivered at a larger city hospital with a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and better emergency services. I found an obstetrician who was warm and caring, and the hospital tried to create the best birth environment it could. So the requirements really weren’t a problem.
Our daughter, Christina, was born two days early. She was a nice size but smaller than Will and was an almost textbook natural delivery – not too long of a labor and with no need for drugs of any kind.
What I Discovered from My Childbirth Experiences
I had a fever for a few days after Will was born, and it was definitely more difficult to recover from a cesarean. I was amazed at the quickness and ease of recovery from a natural childbirth.
Still, each experience was special in its own way. I loved that the medical professionals I had both times were warm and caring people who respected my wishes.
Christina (one day old) with Will (5), 1990.
My husband and I were able to laugh that the labors and deliveries reflected our children’s unique personalities. Will, who likes to take his time and create secure transitions, literally had to be pulled into a new environment. Christina, who’s always dived into change ahead of her time, was two days early and moved quickly into her new environment.
I didn’t find any problems with the medications that had to be used for the emergency cesarean. Will was wide awake. Christina, on the other hand, slept for almost two days even though no drugs of any kind were used. But Will and Christina were both beautiful, healthy babies … what really mattered.
And that’s why I think it’s possible to find much joy in an imperfect birth. I was told that if my childbirth experience with Will would have been 50 years earlier, both Will and I most likely would have died. I think I have much to be grateful for.
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I am so glad that I found this post I have always felt guilty about how I did not have a natural birth due to complications. It also makes me feel more positive about having another baby and know that a natural birth is possible.
Thanks so much for your kind comment, Amy! You definitely don’t need to feel guilty when complications prevent a natural childbirth. And I hope you have as wonderful of an experience the next time as I did! 🙂
It’s wonderful to hear that even though your first birth did not go according to plan, all the rest did. I also find it great that you were able to have a VBAC. I love your comments on how your children’s appearance into this world reflects their personalities. I’ve been reading a lot about this and have come to similar conclusions. Wish me all the best for my first birth next month!
Thanks so much, Alinka! I’m definitely wishing you all the best … I hope you have an absolutely wonderful birth experience! 🙂
You are blessed to have a supportive husband as well as understanding doctors. I think that is key. You have cute kids..
Thanks, Kevin! I’m definitely blessed! 🙂
We had 2 boys with relatively little drama/complications. Then our daughter arrived in January nearly 10 weeks early after a 3 week stay in the hospital (water broke at 27w) and an emergency c-section. 30 days later she came home…and it’s taken nearly her entire 5 months for me to come to terms with her birth and my fear during that time. Anyway, here’s hoping for a VBAC next time around! Thank you for your example…it can be done!
Thanks so much for your comment, Sara. It is a frightening experience to have an emergency c-section and worry about whether your baby will be alright. My second pregnancy was very different from my first, and the labor and delivery were completely different. I hope you can have the same type of wonderful VBAC experience I did! 🙂
Bravo, well done, my wife and I, have 3 children’s naturally born, OMG that was an experience, I’m still looking for the girl because I have 3 boys, but she’s not into it, any advises.
Thanks so much, Ryan! How wonderful all three of your children were born naturally. I’m not sure what to advise at this point. I’m definitely wishing the best for you and your family. I hope you and your wife find a solution that makes both of you happy. 🙂
Hey Deb!
I am also a mother of two, I had both natural deliveries. I seriously feel that you are one STRONG woman!
It is always so inspiring to read such stories, Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for your very kind comment, Debra! I was lucky that I had an extremely supportive husband and great medical professionals to help me along the way! 🙂
I really enjoy your perspective. My two births were also quite different, but I couldn’t choose one as the “better” birth. They were each perfect in their own way. And I wholeheartedly agree with your comment about the births reflecting the babe’s personalities.
Thanks so much for your kind words, Andrea! I really enjoyed watching my children’s personalities and life paths reflected from the earliest ages. I was glad I had a Montessori perspective throughout their childhoods. Now that they’re adults, it’s especially interesting to look back and see how much their lives just needed to naturally unfold. 🙂
“Will and Christina were both beautiful, healthy babies … what really mattered.” Absolutely! I do love your reflection on their births and their personalities. Very interesting!
Thanks, Amy! I’m glad you enjoyed my post. It’s always fun for me to relive the memories and take time to be grateful for those two beautiful, healthy babies who are now beautiful healthy adults. 🙂
Thanks for this information. I am currently reading some child birth books. It is my first pregnancy and it is only five months, so I am gathering enough details on what the experience will be like. I have gained a lot from your article.
Thanks so much for your kind comment, Jane! I’m so glad that sharing my experiences is helpful! Congratulations on your pregnancy! 🙂
Based on all the birth stories I’ve heard — and based on some of my experiences after my second pregnancy got complicated — I truly believe that care and respect from medical professionals have the power to transform difficult experiences. It seems that care and respect for you were crucial both times you gave birth — particularly with physicians who were (as you say) “cautious” about your VBAC.
Thanks for your comment, Rachael! It’s so true that care and respect from medical professionals made a huge difference in the quality of my childbirth experiences. I’ll always be grateful that I had the help of such caring individuals. 🙂
I love how you can see how your children’s temperaments matched their birth’s. My daughter came out screaming even though she was born in the water and typically water babies are calm at birth. When she cried for most of her first three months, we then weren’t surprised she cried immediately after birth as well.
Thanks for your kind words, Julia! Isn’t it fascinating that babies enter the world so uniquely themselves from the start?! 🙂
Oh my – your comparison between Will’s birth and his desire for secure transitions sounds so much like Kieran. I’d never thought about it like that, but how true! And I don’t know what the birth culture was like in 1990, but I feel so proud of you for having a VBAC!!
Thanks so much, Dionna! Not many mothers had VBACs in 1990, so the physicians were all rather cautious about it. You aroused my curiosity about the exact figures, and I just looked it up, I learned: “About 25 years ago, a phrase permeated the birthing industry, ‘Once a cesarean, always a cesarean.’ … In 1989, the statistics of women having VBAC’s was still quite low – only 18%.” (http://suite101.com/article/vbac-history-a9106)
It’s interesting that Will and Kieran have some similar personality traits … I’m always fascinated at how early children show their personalities! 🙂
You are a pioneer, Deb 🙂
LOL! I guess I am … or else just a very stubborn person who refuses to listen to the medical establishment! 😉
What a wonderful outlook on your two births. Unique, just like your children. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks so much for your sweet comment, Meegs! I’ll look forward to reading about your birth experience, too! 🙂