Holidays can be difficult times for families who’ve experienced the death of a loved one. If your family has experienced the death of a special male relative, Father’s Day can be an important time to help your child remember that special relative.
Talking with Children about Death … What to Say
I still remember the workshop I attended in the early 1980s about helping young children cope with death. The workshop emphasized the importance of speaking openly and honestly (without euphemisms) about death. And it stressed the importance of giving children a chance to express their feelings … to grieve, to be listened to, and to have their feelings respected.
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My Grandson Lew
My Grandson Lew and “I Remember” Book
When my children were little, I prepared a small section of our home library with children’s books about death. I wanted to be able to help my children cope if someone close to us died. The books were very helpful when my children’s Great Grandma, my maternal grandmother, died on Mother’s Day one year and when their Grandpa Jack died.
One of my favorite children’s books about death was – and still is – My Grandson Lew. (Note: To purchase the book, you’ll probably need to buy a used copy, which is available very inexpensively.) My Grandson Lew was an ALA Notable Children’s Book of 1974. It’s a beautiful story by Charlotte Zolotow of a young boy who wakes up in the night missing his grandfather. He and his mother share their memories of the loving grandfather. The last page is especially touching when Lewis says, “I miss him.”
“So do I, Lew’s mother said. But now we will remember him together and neither of us will be so lonely as we would be if we had to remember him alone.”The grandfather is shown smoking a pipe on one of the pages in the book, but everything else is simply beautiful, wholesome, and heartwarming. The book gave me the idea of creating an “I Remember” book in memory of a loved one who died.
You’ll find other helpful children’s books about death here. It’s helpful to read samples and read the reviews to see that a book’s theological perspective fits with yours.
Creating an “I Remember” Book (using a free printable)
“I Remember” Book
Because Father’s Day will be here soon, I’m sharing a tutorial and free printable for an “I Remember” book about a special male relative who died. Children are often afraid they’ll forget the dead person. An “I Remember” book can help ease that fear.
Even though I designed this for Father’s Day, an “I Remember” book could be created in memory of any special person – or even a special pet – who died. Many children will experience the death of a pet, and it’s important to respect the child’s feelings about a pet’s death as well.
The photo is of a hypothetical book that could have been created by my son in remembrance of his Grandpa Jack. I didn’t think of creating “I Remember” books when my children were young, although I wish I would have. They would have been cherished keepsakes.
“I Remember” Book Tutorial
For the “I Remember” book, you only need 1 sheet of 8½” x 11” colored cardstock, white cardstock for the inside pages, markers or other drawing and writing materials, and 15” of ribbon for the book. If you have colors that would be meaningful for you to use, it would be great to explain the colors’ significance to your child.
- Click here to download the PDF printable for the cover and back page of the book. The printable is simply the two words “I Remember” for the cover. If you’d like to use a different font, edit the cover, or add more pages, you can click here to download an editable Word document.
- Print out the page on colored cardstock and then cut the page in half.
- Add a photo of your loved one (or of your loved one with your child) to the front of the book.
- Cut the white cardstock pages in half and encourage your child to draw pictures remembering your loved one. You can write down what a young child says about the pictures, and an older child can write his or her own remembrances.
- Punch holes and tie a ribbon for the book binding.
In the top photo, I have a Montessori-inspired tray with a container of washable markers and white cardstock pages. I think it would be helpful to have the tray available for your child to create new pages. You could bring the tray out whenever you feel your child needs to express feelings and remember some more. After the pages are created, you might want to laminate them to create a more permanent keepsake that can withstand numerous readings.
Creating an “I Miss You” Book for a Loved One Away from Home in the Military
Holidays like Father’s Day can also be difficult for children who have a loved one away from home in the military. For example, if your husband is away from home on Father’s Day, your child could create an “I Miss You” or “I Love You” book with a ribbon in a color or pattern that would be meaningful.
For an “I Miss You” PDF printable, click here. For an “I Love You” PDF printable, click here.
Learn more about my eBook Montessori at Home or School: How to. Teach Grace and Courtesy!
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What a lovely idea! I wish I’d thought of this when my children were young! Thank you Deb!
Thanks for your kind comment, Leslie! I wish I would have thought of it when my children were young, too!
Deb, that’s just lovely. Well done. Am sharing this separately from the blog hop.
Thanks so much! I really appreciate it!
What a beautiful post. I think it’s important to recognise and respect the feelings these children have. Talking about death doesn’t have to be morbid or sad. It can simply be about all the wonderful memories. I had a similar idea, creating a memorial wall for all the children’s pets who had passed away. Your children are very lucky to have you.
Greg 🙂
Thanks so much for your kind words, Greg! Your memorial wall for the children’s pets who died is wonderful. And I love the blog posts you’ve written on the subject. I’m just a writer now, but I hope children can benefit from this.
I was very glad I read children’s books about death with my own children and discussed death openly and honestly with them. I do wish we would have made something like an “I Remember” book when they were children. But I think talking about the memories helped a lot, too.
Simply a wonderful, needed set of resources you have created. It will serve an important role in grieving and expressing emotions for many. Thank you!
Thanks so much, JoAnn! I really hope grieving families (and military families) find them helpful.
Deborah .. this is such a great idea! When my grandmother passed away, my daughter (then 11) took a shoebox and made a remembrance box all on her own. She decorated it, added pictures and some items from my grandmother. It was a great way for her to express her feelings and be able to remember her great-grandmother.
Thanks so much, Laura! I LOVE that your daughter thought to do that … what an amazingly beautiful idea!
Deb, I love this idea! What a great reminder to allow the children to express their fears and feelings about tough subjects like death. Your “I Remember” book is a great resource! I especially love the idea of an “I Miss You” book for families that are separated by distance, for whatever reason. Thanks for a fabulous post! 🙂
Thanks so much for your kind comment, Ayn! So true that there could be many reasons for a child to create an “I Miss You” book. I hope families will find the resources helpful.
Thanks so much Deb for sharing such a great idea. You inspired me to make one for my daughter so she would be able to meet her Grandpa. My dad past away 9 years ago and she started to ask why she doesn’t have a Grandpa. I will make a mini book with pictures so I could share stories about her Grandpa. Thanks!
Thanks so much, Airamty! I love your idea of making a book about a grandparent your child has never met … such a beautiful gift!
These are great. My son has two great-grandmothers – one is almost 90 and is doing fantastic; one is 91 and we keep thinking it’s close. I was fortunate to have these women, with my grandfathers (who have now both passed away) when I was younger – and I hope my son remembers them fondly as well. He’s already started making memory-books of a sort each time we visit. He doesn’t do it consciously, but just being prepared beforehand I think will ease the transition.
thank you for posting about these type of books!
Thanks so much for your kind comment, Jessica! How wonderful that your son has two great-grandmothers … and I love that he’s making memory books already!
This is a beautiful idea. Thank you for sharing it – and the printable to make it so accessible.
Thanks for your sweet comment, MaryAnne! I really appreciate it!
What a great idea. I think talking about death with kids is so uncomfortable for us but it’s a reality and kids are curious about death. Thank you for these wonderful suggestions. I would love if you could share this on the we teach blogger share if you get a chance this week. I think other teachers/ parents/ homeschoolers there would love to see it!
http://www.weteachgroup.com/group/weteachblogswelove/forum/topics/weekly-blogger-share-for-june-5-12-2012
Thanks so much for your kind words, Jackie. I just shared my post at We Teach: We’re Bloggers. I always love sharing there and seeing the great posts other bloggers share. The week had started getting away from me. Thanks for the reminder!
Beautiful… and how thoughtful of you to include a printable for other to use as well. You are amazing! xo
Thanks so much for your sweet comment, Valerie! I think you’re amazing, too! xo
Thank you, Deb. What a wonderful resource to make this little book. I have a child who has been grieving painfully over a lost pet for over a year. We talk about it a lot. Maybe this would help, too. Thank you so much. Pinning these wonderful ideas.
Thanks for your kind comment, Julie. I’m so sorry to hear that your child is hurting so much. It’s wonderful that you talk about it a lot. I hope it helps to make an “I Remember” book.
Just check on the My Grandson Lew book. Amazon is out of stock but Better World Books has it. Thanks for the resource. 🙂
Thanks for letting me know it’s available through Better World Books, Julie. I hope it helps!
Julie, also check out Malea’s comment a bit below yours. She has some beautiful activities to remember a pet that died.
I love this idea. That’s great. I’ve got to bookmark this.
Thanks so much for your kind comment, Veronica. I appreciate your bookmarking my post!
This is a beautiful post, and lovely ideas. My grandmother talked to me about death from a very early age, and we had pets from a very early age as well which also introduced us to death while we were young (my first goldfish lasted about two weeks…).
When my mom’s beloved cat had to be put down after being hit by a car we made “memory stones” for the yard and had a small “memory party” in which we talked about him and made our memory rocks. We used various types of pens to draw pictures of the cat on rocks, and to decorate them.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment, Malea. What beautiful activities to do in remembrance of a pet! Thanks so much for sharing them!
That is a really lovely idea. I struggle myself with the thought that one day I will have to deal with this. Having to deal with it with the strength required to also help children through the grieving process feels like it will be difficult but sometimes we surprise ourselves, don’t we? With a handy tool like this, it might just make it easier. Thank you for sharing. It’s a lovely idea x
Thanks so much for your kind comment, Debs. I really liked having materials available when I did need to help my children through the grieving process. I always knew I wouldn’t want to start searching for resources when I was grieving myself. I really hope this will be helpful for others.
Thank you! I will be using this with some of my grieving clients. Can I add this link in one of my press releases for grieving children? It has been posted (http://bit.ly/1ActnBY) but would like to add this as a tool….
Thanks!