Living Montessori Now

Montessori Inspiration for Parents and Teachers

How to Help Your Child Feel Comfortable Greeting Relatives

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The holiday season (along with summer reunions) is a natural time for getting together with relatives … but children aren’t always comfortable meeting and greeting relatives. You can help. By using Montessori techniques for teaching grace and courtesy, you can help your child learn and more comfortably use appropriate greetings.

How to Help Your Child Feel Comfortable Greeting Relatives

Here are some techniques you can use at home:

Teach your child how to address each relative.

  • It’s important that your child knows how you want each adult relative to be addressed. Does your child’s aunt prefer to be called Aunt Sue or simply Sue? Whatever your family tradition is, be sure your child feels confident in knowing how to address each adult before you attend a family gathering.
  • To help your child understand who each relative is (especially if you aren’t able to see them very often), it’s helpful to use photos. It’s also helpful to have a simple family tree to show relationships.
  • Like Mari-Ann at Counting Coconuts, you could make family nomenclature cards.
  • When my oldest granddaughter, Zoey, was 2 years old, I made 3-part family cards and a family tree activity to show relationships.
  • You’ll find more ideas on my Kids’ Family Tree Activities Pinterest Board.

Montessori 3-Part Family Cards and Family Tree Activity

Demonstrate the appropriate greetings.

How to Help Your Child Feel Comfortable Greeting Relatives

  • Once your child knows who Aunt Sue is, you could say, “I want to show you how to greet Aunt Sue.” Demonstrate the actions along with the appropriate words.
  • You could have your child pretend to be Aunt Sue. You’ll pretend to be your child. Say something like: “I look Aunt Sue in the eye, smile, and say, ‘Hi, Aunt Sue’ [or ‘Good morning, Aunt Sue,’ or ‘Merry Christmas, Aunt Sue,’ … whatever greeting is appropriate for the event and for your family]. You could add, “’It’s nice to see you again,’” or “’I’m so happy to see you again.’”
  • Then show your child how to hug Aunt Sue or whatever form of greeting is appropriate for that relative and for your family. If you prefer, you could discuss consent with your child. In “The Mandatory-Hug Debate: How to Teach Kids About Consent Among Family, According to an Expert” it’s suggested that
    one way for “preparing a child around 4 years of age is with something like,  ‘We’re going to visit Grammy and Granddad — they will be excited to see you. Are you excited to see them? How do you want to let them know you’re excited to see them?'”

Answer questions you know your children will have beforehand.

Helping Children Feel Comfortable Greeting Relatives

  • Do your relatives have any illnesses or disabilities that your child will wonder about? Discuss them beforehand to help your child feel more comfortable. For example, if your relative has cancer, discuss any physical differences they can see from the treatments. Be sure to let your child know that cancer isn’t contagious. I have a post at Bits of Positivity with tips for talking with children about cancer. I also have a post here on discussing difficult topics with kids: what’s worked for me.
  • Is there a form of equipment that your child will wonder about or feel uncomfortable around? If your relative has a walker or wheelchair, it’s helpful to talk about it with your child beforehand. The more your child understands, the more comfortable he or she will feel.

Allow plenty of opportunities for practice.

  • Do lots of role playing. You could role play with your child while you play the part of various relatives or your husband or other children play various parts. You could even role play using imaginary relatives.
  • Go over family photos more than once to be sure your child is comfortable knowing who each relative is before the family gathering.
  • Have discussions about the family gathering with your child beforehand … talking about who will be at the gathering, how your child will greet each relative, and what your child will be expected to do at the gathering.

Be specific later when describing your child’s good manners at the family gathering.

  • Be sure to discuss your child’s good manners after the event. Say things like, “I saw that you remembered to say, ‘Hi, Aunt Sue. I’m happy to see you.’ You even remembered to smile and look Aunt Sue in the eye!”

Don’t criticize or embarrass your child if he or she forgets an etiquette technique or isn’t comfortable enough to use it properly.

  • Remember that young children need lots of practice. During my master’s dissertation study on teaching manners in a day nursery, I found that introductions and greetings were the most difficult etiquette techniques for young children to become comfortable with.
  • Even extroverted children can feel shy or uncomfortable when introduced to someone or when greeting someone they haven’t seen recently. Your child will often need more practice than you’d think necessary. That’s alright. Just notice that your child needs more practice to become comfortable.
  • Repeat the lesson again later.
  • Give more opportunities for practice.

And it’s always important for you to be an example of good manners. Your child will continue to learn by watching you.

Other posts on teaching manners:

Reader Interactions

Comments

    • Deb Chitwood says

      That was definitely tough! But my daughter had a great opportunity with her ice dance career – and she ended up with a wonderful English husband along with way!

      • Jill says

        oh wow! so happy for you!! My mom’s biggest fear is us moving so far away that her grandchildren don’t know her. I never realized how she felt until I had my son…

  2. Jill says

    oh great post!! I’ve done the picture idea..it helps my son recognize family members. he doesn’t get as shy. and we skype, too!

    • Deb Chitwood says

      Thanks, Jill! My kids found family pictures really helpful when they were little. I love Skype, too! I used it A LOT when my daughter lived in England!